You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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