I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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