So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
