The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
