Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
