so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
