Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
