The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
