the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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