In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
