she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
