A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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