how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
