we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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