sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Too much gin, very little bucket
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
