My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
