we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
