he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
