The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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