We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
