we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
