I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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