I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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