You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
