i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
