"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
