Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
