A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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