If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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