I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
