the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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