Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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