i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
