You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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