Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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