Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
