If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
