great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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