Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
