the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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