i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
