Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
