I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
