He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
