shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
