I will die if light touches me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
