Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
