i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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