I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
