On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
