i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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