Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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