thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
birth control should be required to get into college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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