If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
